The Not 2WW

So here I am.  Nearly 2 weeks since IUI.  And the last week has been crap.  The combination of cyclogest and progynova seem to have completely thrown a curveball to my body.  I’ve had sore boobs for over a week – much more than my usual couple of days before my period.  Then earlier this week, I had what felt like a twisted knee that swelled up and just couldn’t get comfortable.  And even when it was better, I just can’t seem to get my legs/arms comfortable – they just feel in the way the whole time.

Then there was a really horrid day of light-headed dizziness and nausea – I thought it was caused by having a couple of cups of tea (normal caffeinated compared to my usual herbal blend), but after nearly a day of feeling like I’d dropped some e’s, I began to realise it was more than that.  By the end of the day, I didn’t want to eat (and that NEVER happens) and just wanted to curl up and sleep.  It was horrible.

Of course there have also been the usual cramps and twinges in my pubic area and around the ovary.  But there has still been less severe dizziness and nausea each day since as well.   And I have been cold and tired all week.

I’ve been waking up at 4am desperate for a wee and then completely wide awake after that so my BBT charting has more or less gone out the window.  I have been feeling really depressed and irritable – I even shouted at wifey last night just ‘cos the tube was delayed and it pissed me off.

And the final straw, as if one was needed, is that my period is now 2 days late, and there’s not even a little bit of spotting yet to indicate it’s almost here.  So it looks like next month’s cycle is out the window as I will be flying to San Francisco/in San Francisco when I ovulate.  Unless my period arrives tomorrow and I ovulate early (or they trigger again – but earlier this time!).

I just feel really fed up with all of this.  My old school friends are all trying to organise a reunion around their various pregnancies and it just feels like salt being rubbed in a very sore wound at the moment.  I just can’t be bothered with anything.  All I want is to be pregnant and getting ready for baby’s arrival.  Not still trying and still wanting to try because yet another month it’s gone wrong for whatever reason.

And when I’m feeling like this, it’s hard not to get annoyed at wifey for having it so easy.  So she wants to try a medicated cycle – great but she doesn’t have to take the drugs.  She doesn’t have to go to scans the other side of London every other day, and sit in a skanky waiting room because they’re running late again.  She doesn’t get scornful remarks when she asks questions about what they’re doing.

This week, even though it was sort of a week off from it (apart from the side-effects of the pointless drugs), I still had to trek over there to pick up 2 days’ worth of tablets the chemist had run out of when I initially picked up the prescription.

I sometimes wonder why on earth I’m putting myself through this.

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One comment on “The Not 2WW
  1. sara says:

    Oh my goodness. I’m really stressed for you, after reading this post. I just found your blog, from lesbianfamily.org, and while I’m happy you got pregnant, I’m worried for your relationship. As long as you’re ok with the possibility of (likely, from the sound of this post) single parenting, you’ll be fine. I hope you have a strong family/friends network. Because this isn’t the kind of partner you want as a co-parent. Having a baby is HARD. Without support, it will be so tough. Good luck.

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