Flirting and Frustration

I had a night out on Saturday for a friend’s birthday. It’s been ages and I had mixed feelings about it. My confidence is lower than low and going out with a group of confident, sexy women is always hard. But I wanted and needed it so put my brave face on and joined in. And then the girl I’d immediately fancied on meeting at the night out last year started flirting with me.

To say┬áI was surprised would be an understatement. She’s married with kids (and had just had a baby when I met her last year), but she was telling us about the sorry state of her marriage (alcoholic partner, etc) and how she was having a fling with someone else so I knew she wasn’t a smug married. But I didn’t expect that.

There’d been some talk about lesbian experiences but as I’d been in the loo when it started, I didn’t really join in – most of the people there know I’m gay and I didn’t feel the need to reiterate it. But I didn’t know she knew.

Then she started dancing with me. Not like my friends and I usually dance – facing each other and laughing. No, she was up close, behind me, or in front of me. We were holding hands or she was hugging me into her. I was stunned and even had to check with another friend that she was seeing this too and I wasn’t imagining it all.

Unfortunately, her best friend did not seem impressed and kept giving me evil stares and dragging her away as if it was all me, but it wasn’t. I was literally, drunkenly responding to her advances. I even told her I was surprised as I’d thought she was straight to which she responded – no, I’m bi. You wouldn’t tell someone that unless you were interested would you?

Anyway, nothing actually happened although we did give each other a hug goodbye and tell each other we thought they were sexy. It’s been a long time since anyone told me that!

We’re friends on Facebook now and there’s another night planned in just over a month, so who knows…?! Don’t get me wrong – I’m not expecting a big romance, but certainly wouldn’t be averse to a fling!

Unfortunately, the high didn’t last long as wife started on the whole threatening to move away vibe again the next night. Insisting we sell the house so she can have her share and move somewhere else in the country to start a family with someone else. She says she wants an end to all this and that I should move in with my parents if I can’t find somewhere to rent. And that I’m being too fussy and should just take anywhere. I’m sorely tempted. Apparently I’m just doing it to punish her even though it was so long ago now. I’m not. I just don’t love her anymore and don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.

And still no-one knows. Even though I got drunk with a group of my girlfriends on Saturday, still I haven’t told anyone. I flirted with a woman I’ve fancied for a year and had a fun night. I didn’t focus on the crap. It was the anniversary of it all going off too and I still managed to be happy. Thank god!

There may just be a glimmer of light at the end of this interminably long tunnel.