Deep Deep Down

Facebook posts taunt me with their reminders of all that I have given up. The house to nurture and put my stamp on, the romantic meals, shopping for gifts for my significant other.

I spend my days alone in a windowless office, occasionally interrupted from my reverie by colleagues with questions or demands that sap at my dwindling energy.

And then I pop by to see the girls. A brief hour of cuddles or being ignored in favour of the TV or some established game. Cutting comments from her making me wish I hadn’t bothered.

I return to my new home. I make a rudimentary meal to comfort eat and sit and read, and write, and plan. But the thoughts continue to intrude. The feeling that this is it now. That there will never be anything to look forward to again. No more joy in my life. Just a gaping chasm where potential used to be.

I am alone.

I am working long hours for what equates to much less than minimum wage. I live in rented accommodation with no likelihood of ever escaping the rental black hole. I have lightweight friends – up for a good time, gone for the bad times. I hate my job and the place I work. I just want to sleep it off. But this is reality. This is what being a grown up is all about. You have to dust yourself down, paint a smile on your face and move forward, one foot in front of the other.

But if I stumble, I may never get up again.

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5 comments on “Deep Deep Down
  1. I was thinking if this would be the future of my relationship. We are on the rocks for so long. #pocolo

  2. joyandpops says:

    I am so sorry that things are not good for you at the moment. I want you to know that things can improve, sometimes you have to hit the depths first but with time and willing it does get better.
    Try to do something positive about your situation. One positive action can often lead to another, however small.
    Wishing you all the best.
    Xx

  3. Please keep on putting that one foot in front of the other.
    Such a deeply personal post.
    #PoCoLo

  4. Kim Carberry says:

    So sorry things are not good for you at the moment! Hang on in there. Sending love and hugs x

  5. So sorry to hear that you are experiencing such a hard time. I have been there and I understand. Keep going, keep taking every day as it comes. It will get better. One of my favourite sayings is ‘this too shall pass’. It will. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

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