So I’ve been a bit slack recently. To begin with I was just having some time out from the process – trying not to focus on it helped with the disappointment of failure. And after the medication or no medication stress, I just got on with normal life up to my CD10 scan.
Went in and she said the follicle was on my left side this time and 13.2mm – good. But she was concerned about my lining as it was too thin. She insisted that if I hadn’t surged over the weekend, I come back in for a scan next Monday to see how it’s all looking. I wasn’t too concerned – after all there were another 5 days for it to thicken up.
Went away on my work course and, even though I wasn’t drinking, couldn’t drink the tea and coffee and had to grab every bit of pineapple I could get my hands on, I really, really enjoyed myself. The OPK testing was a complete nightmare – we had hardly any free time – barely time to run to the loo, let alone sit waiting for a smiley face or not! But I managed it and the surge didn’t come. Was sooooo pleased that I still had a chance this cycle.
Got home on Sunday and was shattered and there was still no surge. That was a bit disappointing, but not the end of the world – better late than early.
Tested again before my scan on Monday and got the smiley face – yay! Was a bit concerned at how to explain the extra time off the following day, but figured I’d work something out.
I decided not to do my trigger shot until after I’d seen the dr and had my scan – not sure why I held back, but something was telling me it was a bad idea.
So I had my scan and met another dr – he was nice which was a relief – especially as I’d seen Dr Nasty lurking about! Follicle was a healthy 23mm. Yay!
Unfortunately though, my lining hadn’t thickened up at all – a measly 4.2mm when a minimum of 8-9mm is needed for a successful pregnancy. He measured it twice and showed me both times what he was measuring so I could be sure it was right. So right at the last hurdle, the cycle is abandoned.
I was really struggling not to cry in front of him. And then waiting at reception to hand my file in. And then sat on the train back to work. And then back at work. You get the picture. I am more upset by this than the negative result last cycle. At least that time I’d tried, but this time I’ve gone through all the hoops and don’t even get to try.
I’m trying to stay positive though, but it feels really, really hard. Today I am just so depressed I could have stayed in bed all day and not spoken to anyone but the cats. Taking my temperature this morning made me feel sick with frustration at the seeming pointlessness of it all.
But I’ve got my fertility tea out (with the raspberry leaf which is meant to help encourage a healthy lining), started back on my evening primrose oil and milk thistle and have another session of acupuncture tonight. Also taking my agnus castus properly and planning to stock up on pineapple juice and more brazil nuts once I’ve had my CD2 scan next month. And at least if it works next month I get an Aries baby which would be the best thing!
Ok – back to work and lots of positive thinking! I will get through this setback!!!