An almost child

No more a baby, not quite a child. The world around you frustrates as much as it delights. It amazes and astounds. It frightens and intimidates. The words to describe it not quite formed, your feelings apparent but not voiced.

frighened toddler

Scary times

Tread carefully as you go forward, little girl, for you may stumble, you may fall. You will get up again. It may not seem it then, but it will be ok. And you will try again, perhaps with more caution, but perhaps less. Your mind is not set in the direction of danger yet and it is too easily forgot.

As the large things pass you by, the small things amuse you. A plane in the sky, and another, another, another. The plane that flies low then zooms high, twisting and turning as it goes, is of little interest once it’s been noted.

The dolls litter the house, everywhere we turn there is another one, abandoned, half dressed. But the one you want is in your sister’s hands. None of the others are any good, just that one. You ask nicely, as you’ve been taught, but when it doesn’t work, you screech. Then you lunge forward, grabbing at its limbs, then, unyielding, you grasp for your sister’s hair. She screams, you scream louder. You let go of her hair, but remain frustrated that the doll remains in her arms so you lean down and connect your mouth to her arm. You bite down and her screams escalate.  We come through and separate you. Chastise you for hurting her.  Chastise her for not understanding your immature brain.

toddler crying

Unreasonably upset

She is always in trouble, even when it’s not her. You are too little to be in trouble.  This will have to change now. It’s not fair on her. You can talk, you can understand our conversation. You can understand right from wrong. Your brain may not be able to process it in the heat of the moment, but it needs to learn. And as it does so, the baby in you will disappear and the child will emerge, with reason and care and empathy. I dread this as much as I look forward to it. A metamorphosis that is inevitable but marks the end of being mummy to a fully dependent human being.  You will still need me, but you will cope without me. You will explore and make friends and discover without my help and I can only stand by and watch as it happens, there to manage the moments when it still overwhelms.

Mum and toddler

There for you

You will always be my baby, but I will watch you grow, watch you try and fail, watch you try and succeed.  And as those successes multiply, so too will your independence and you will fly higher than the planes you love to spot, soaring above the world, delighting in all it has to offer you. Spread your wings little girl and take flight.  I am right here on the ground, ready to catch you.

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14 comments on “Butterfly
  1. I love this post and really relate to it. Ollie is going through exactly the same phase! xx

    • Faded Seaside Mama says:

      It’s a tough time as they seem to get upset at almost everything, but I have to try and remember that this is all part of their metamorphosis!

    • Faded Seaside Mama says:

      Thanks – I can’t imagine Dylan ever having the tantrums we’re getting here at the moment – he seems so smiley and placid. But then, I think they’re programmed for tantrums sometimes so just do regardless of their personality!

  2. That’s very sweet. It is a frustrating time, but another 17 years or so and she’ll have got through it 😉

  3. TK says:

    You’ve described it so beautifully! The toddler stage is definitely a very trying stage for us as parents. I never believed it when my son was a baby, but now I know better!

    • Faded Seaside Mama says:

      Yes it almost creeps up on you. And then bam! You’re witnessing the archetypal toddler tantrum from your very own child!

  4. such a nice way to describe this and so honest and truthful its lovely.

  5. Mammasaurus says:

    Ozzy is about to start school and I feel similar, the end of an era and though I know good and exciting times are ahead for him I want to cling to the happy ones that have passed too! x

    • There is something about being a mother that every stage they reach sends to be the best one and you want to cling to it forever. Then they emerge into the next one and you winner what you were scared of as you discover even more beauty in the new they are developing. I am sure Ozzy will fly high with you behind him!

  6. Coombemill says:

    Such a tiring and yet rewarding stage, trust me you will miss it when it passes!

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