Woke up this morning feeling blue. But then my pain didn’t come on like it normally would and as the day continued I got more and more positive.
The acupuncturist I emailed yesterday called and even had an appointment this evening so I booked in with him straight away and even got the wife’s blessing to spend another £200 on another TTC alternative therapy. She apparently isn’t including the fairy tea and tablets I’m taking in her calculations of how much this is all costing. As long as I promise to stick to just the wannabe mum and omega 3 fish oil tablets! Yay!
My little sister finally asked how the baby-making was going today and I felt ok enough with things to tell her everything – even that I have a scan tomorrow.
The hardest part today though was when my very pregnant colleague came over and all the girls were cooing over her belly and chatting about what it must be like to be pregnant, how they could never do it, etc. Then one of them said that if the right man didn’t come along in the next few years she’d probably get some donor sperm. I just sat at my desk gritting my teeth for all I’m worth wishing they could even half understand how difficult all this is. I don’t quite know how I managed to hold it all together enough to join in the conversation without breaking down. Especially knowing the “sperm donor girl” got pregnant when she was very young and it wasn’t planned and the “about to pop girl” was “surprised” to get pregnant so quickly. I don’t think they can even begin to understand what it feels like to really have to save every penny, totally change your entire life and way of living and be poked and prodded in your most intimate areas by stranger after stranger. Grrrrrr!!
Anyway, back to happier things.
Went to my acupuncture appointment and the guy was completely lovely. Took my full history and looked at my charts and diagnosed some treatment to rebalance my yang to help with my short luteal phase, my cold extremities and PCOS-esque symptoms (acne, facial hair, etc). He put some needles in my feet – the first one sent a relaxing wave through my entire body, but the second one stung a bit. He put some more in my legs, stomach, forehead and ears and then burnt some moxa on the needle on my stomach. It felt wonderful – like lying in the hot sun and feeling my stomach tan. He left me for 5 minutes and told me to concentrate on my breathing and I quite literally ended up feeling like I was floating away. After the treatment I actually felt so relaxed I felt a bit groggy and nauseous. But I take that as a good sign. And my abdo pain has almost completely gone!
Went home and felt so good. Then wifey told me that the HFE amendment to remove the “need for a father” and change it to “supportive parenting” had gone through. Another step forward for us.
Just hope that tomorrow continues on the positive vibe. I really, really, really want to try again this month. I loved, loved, loved the feeling after insemination that I just might have a little tiny person growing in my belly and can’t wait to have it again. I only wish I didn’t have to go away next weekend with work – I am so going to want to be with wifey for that precious time before the IUI. Especially if I’m OPK testing again. But at least I’ll have proper distractions from TTC for 3 and a half days which is probably a good thing!
See you tomorrow – fingers crossed!