4W6D – Business as Usual

After yesterday’s panic, we did lots of research and so far the only concern is that I might have a missed miscarriage.

However, my tits are even more painful than ever and keep getting itchy.  This morning I had proper morning sickness – no actual vomiting, just about everything but.  The pregnancy tests are still showing a strong line which I hope means that the hcg is still high.

I know that this could all be down to the build up of progesterone in my system, or it could just be simply that I am still pregnant. I really hope it is.

I really want to tell my parents tomorrow but it’s hard to be excited while I’m still worrying.  Especially as it could be that I might not know for sure either way until I go for my first scan in 3.5 weeks time.  And that seems a very long way off right now.

So, the only way to deal with these worries and doubts is to pretend they’re not there and try and get on as normal and keep thinking and acting as if I am still pregnant.

I didn’t take my temperature this morning as I woke up at 3.20 for half an hour and again at 5.20 and didn’t get back to sleep so I knew it wouldn’t be accurate and didn’t want to make myself even more paranoid.  I doubt I’ll take it again now – either it will happen or it won’t and I just keep right on hoping it won’t.

But my god this is such a head-fuck like I’ve never ever known before!  When do I get to sit back and enjoy being pregnant?!